Eat. Sell. Elect.

It is that time again. We – and by “we” I mean the crazy 24 hour news cycle, “news” stations, and the over-stimulated population at large – are getting drawn back into the discussion of “who is next?” Who is going to be the next big mover and shaker her in the great experiment that is theUnited States? That is what we are all just dying to know! And in 14 months we may just know. But for the meantime it’s on to more important issues; local student body elections.


Tomorrow is Election Day at CCS, and the atmosphere is aflutter with the possibility of what could be. We have a formerly elected representative running for office, but a lot of new blood. I feel there are many observations to be made and lessons to be learned (partially at their expense) from this young crew of leaders. Here are but a few:


1)                          CCS contestants have a great sense of timing, and a deep understanding of American politics. Many of these contestants (in the Reality TV show that is Life) have only announced their running in the past few days. I’m not sure if they’re fans of Rick Perry or Sarah Palin, but they’re definitely pulling out plays from their respective playbooks. So I’m assuming they’ll at least get some good television exposure from the ordeal. Reality show anyone?

2)                          Cookies win elections. If I’ve said this once, I’ve said it a thousand times. Give people cookies and they’ll vote for you. I really feel like our public officials could learn a thing or two from this. Instead of having rallies and debates, let’s have a bake sale. (However, it’s also important to test said cookies before distribution. If that blue discoloration of the mouth afterwards doesn’t go away, there may be lawsuits.) Plus, Dentists will vote for you! They may not eat the cookies, but you’ll be drumming up a whole new batch of business. So forget selling your soul to special interest groups and just buy Rachael Ray. I’m not sure how much it would cost to buy out her contract, but I think you’ll like the long-run results.

3)                          Human billboards work. The last great frontier of marketing is the human body. Like a racecar, I think it’s time that we just begin selling our body for ad space. I saw a student today with wearing an advertisement for every candidate. It struck me as pure genius. I would even go so far as to say that they should get the disclaimer written on their body somewhere saying they don’t actually support any of those candidates. You know the one on TV that says the station doesn’t actually support the product it sells. That’s hitting the moral high road AND getting paid. Touché! American ingenuity at its finest.

4)                          People vote for people. I’m not sure of the exact statistics, but I believe I can go out on this limb. The majority of voters vote for human beings (Though I do suppose the qualifications for “human” do tend to get a bit murky in many elections.). So when you put a picture on your poster, make sure that it’s actually a human being and not a dog. Sometimes people get confused. Come on, you know we’ve all been there.

Just a few thoughts to inspire and contemplate. So whether you’re going to cast your vote tomorrow or in 14 months, remember these few lessons: hold out for cookies, sell your ad space to the highest bidder, and vote for humans.


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