The Jelly Bean Man is out to get Me

One of the true joys in life is eating jelly beans. Nothing like pure, unadulterated sugar coursing through your veins at what feels like the speed of light. Nutritional defects aside, you’re forced to admit there really is something to the jelly bean. I mean, it’s really a simple little product, but its deliciousness certainly attacks the palate, leaving you wanting more (and needing to hit the elliptical machine for a good hour…or two to work off the handful…or two you just ate).

But despite all the sensational heavenliness of the jelly bean, there is always something that gets me. Why are there always more of the jelly beans I don’t like in the bag than the ones I do? I personally believe that any lemon or lime flavored jelly beans need to be eliminated from our bags. Sure, I would call this more of a personal preference kind of thing, but it sure would be nice. I am currently considering starting a national campaign to eliminate them. Sadly, however, I have eaten too many and lack the motivation to do put this plan into action – and I’d have to invest into some good disinfectant for paper cuts; the petition process can get violent.

Diatribe aside, the frustration of reaching into the jelly cup and pulling out a handful of yellow beans just will not abate. (Although the whining dog in the complex – or possibly someone practicing a yak mating call, too tough to call – is running a close second at this moment.) Why is the Jelly Bean Man out to get me? Does he not realize that I am an American citizen, and as such I reserve the right to stomp my feet and make the “nuh-uh” face when I feel that I have been slighted in the least bit? He – for my perception of him is evil, which means he clearly must be masculine – must not see the sadness he brings me on a…lets just call it a semi-regular basis (no need to go into specifics, right?).

However, as the anger starts to subside, I begin to think a little more rationally about this jelly bean issue. (And I have not ruled out sugar-induced rage as a possible cause of this frustration.) At the root of it all is not some conspiracy against the American people by the Jelly Bean Man (And by-the-by, he needs no holiday of his own, cause he makes bank on all major and minor holidays.), but rather the human desire to want other than what is in front of me. And if there is something I do not enjoy in front of me, then I will likely inflate it to size of a Macy’s Day Parade balloon in my mind.

As the wise Dr. Kress once said, “we prefer the poison to the cure.” And though I don’t particularly believe he was lecturing on jelly beans – sadly, Psychology professors rarely do -, I do believe this statement applies here. My tendency is to focus on the negative little things that I see, while not allowing the plenty – in this case, delicious flavors like red, orange, and blue – to fill in most of my mental landscape. I focus on the poison – the yellow jelly bean – while not realizing the cure – the other colors of the yummy rainbow – lies well within my grasp.

So eat the yummy jelly beans of your life and don’t worry so much about the yucky ones. If you focus on the color and splendor at your disposal, the lemons won’t even matter.

Also…don’t eat jelly beans late in the evening. You’ll find they cause you to write blogs about jelly beans…


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